Wednesday, August 26, 2009

OMGoodness....been way too long

ok...can and at same time can not believe it has been 6 months since i posted!!! wow the summer flew by...ok, time to update the page layout...bbl!

Friday, March 27, 2009

While Mom's Away...

So...while I was out tonight with Stephie for me, this was a long, intensely negotiated evening out! Faith decided to 'comb' her hair. She was under the supervision and watchful eyes of her Dad and her Uncle...though they assure me, and I do actually believe, this atrocity took only seconds to create! It did, however, take many long minutes to UNDO! So...what I have learned and definitely RELEARNED today...when things are stuck in hair...break them, tear them and dismantle them and then take them out of the hair OR you have to cut the was lost here today but the major CUT was avoided! The pieces of the comb seen here, were at one time a large, single is no more...but she has a full head of hair. Oh the fun!

Thursday, March 26, 2009


There is nothing in the world like...
Being home from work early, after a very long day of meetings...I hear the dog start to get excited and run to the door... Then I hear, "MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY and Little Miss Stephanie (4) comes running around the corner and jumps into my arms! Wraps her legs around my waist, her arms around my neck and screams out, "I MISSED YOU, I LOVE YOU!" day, my world, my life is complete! ...Then Sarah (2), comes around the corner and does the exact same thing!!! How did I get this blessed!...and, then, Faith (3) comes around the corner, comes to my legs and hugs tight, "I MISSED YOU MOM!"...I am overwhelmed with love for these girls...They are sweaty, dirty and have had a great day at school and they are so happy to be home. I have had my very long day and am so happy to be home. I love my family...

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Time for ME!

Found a few extra hours for myself today thanks to the grandparents taking the girls to church and keeping them through lunch!  Whooooo's what I did with my time!  (all digital elements/embellishments/papers, etc.  created/given out at The Shabby did not create the files just the layouts!  :-))

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Just Another Saturday

Just another Saturday around here...
3 loads of laundry done, kids fed 2x's, cookies baked, puzzles done, wii bowling done, block building done, kitchen a disaster, vacuuming done, dusting done, bills paid...and on the list goes!  :-)

Friday, March 13, 2009

The Last Few Weeks

I will make this blogging thing a habit....I will!  I will!  I will!  I need an outlet! catch up a bit...

The last few weeks have been intense...children's behaviors have been heavy though they are improving now with medication changes and tightening up of our routine and structure.  

Spent the weekend with my sister and her two wonderful girls last weekend.  Had an awesome time!  It still amazes me and makes me smile to see how vastly different we are in so many ways.   And, we have so much in common!  

Hubby is preparing to take a work related certification exam...again!  He had best pass the darn thing this time, I can't take all the time he has to put into it again...

Trying to decide if I will return to part-time work again next fall...really wanting to quit and stay home completely to get things on track here...all 4 girls are starting school in our local district next year and the meetings, running and "stuff" will require so much time...I want to have the energy and presence of mind for all of it!

Other than that...just all the usual stuff going on around here:
Occupational Therapy, Speech Therapy, Counseling, Work, School, Laundry, Cooking, Cleaning, Reading!, Driving...Driving...Driving!, Laughing!!!!!  Life!

My Picture!

So...I am always the photographer and very rarely the photographed!  Until now...our local, fabulous photographer/artist, Sarah Petty, was offering Facebook headshots, of all things, to raise money for her new charity.  I called immediately and set up the appointment...then, the day of, all I wanted to do was cancel!  It's not about how I look, unhappy with it or whatever, it was about being so stinking self-conscious of myself PERIOD!  I can smile, laugh whatever with the kids and others, but alone, I feel so uncomfortable. Still don't really know what this was/is about but I'm so glad I made myself do it anyway and have some great pictures of ME!

Sunday, March 1, 2009

My Birthday...

So...I got through it...I really don't like my birthday.  This year, it's so many things on my mind...I have often been disappointed on birthdays but this year it was even more.  I'm now 37.  We lost our first of 6 babies through miscarriage exactly 10 years ago.  10 years!!! our child would be 9 this year, September actually...

And, then am I really too old to try one last time?...So many thoughts, so much emotional energy...I just don't know...

But, the day was great!  Cupcakes with the girls, lazy, lazy day and I didn't have to change one single diaper!  YAY!  

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Valentine's Day through Symone's Eyes

Whatever the holiday, our oldest daughter, Symone, is all about making cards...For Valentine's she made beautiful heart shaped cards for each of her sisters and both Billy and I.  As we enjoyed our 'fancy' dinner by candlelight and flowers, she was chomping at the bits to share them.  Once everyone had been served their piece of 'fancy' strawberry, red raspberry cake, Mo was given the go ahead to pass them out.  Each sister first and then Mom and Dad's.  Each sister asked Dad and I to read their cards to them.  What Symone (age 7) chose to share with each one of us was so to the point, telling and exactly what one would know her to feel in her genuine and true.  Here is what she wrote to each of us:

Stephanie (age 4 - closest in age to Symone) - "You have yoer mamihts but i still love you.  Happy V-Day"

Faith (age 3 - she adores her big sister Symone) - "Happy V-Day!! Love Moy"  with a heart and flower drawing

Sarah (age 2 - she is full of onry) - "Happy V-Day trouble maker #1! I love you"

Dad - "Your full of love I just now it!"

Me - "I saw you cissing Dady this morning!"

Steph was upset that she didn't have a heart and flower like Faith and asked Symone to add it to her card...she wants Symone to love her and like her too...

It was all so precious and special...we have decided we will have a 'fancy' dinner with our girls once a month.  We all had such a special time!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

of all the things to share

so. thought lots about what to share today...long and hard as the day went by...and this is what will win in the end!  i had a fabulous day with my friends on facebook...POKING...that's right, just poking...nothing more, nothing less...i 'poke' you and then you 'poke' me...that's all there is...and as it happens, as i updated my status and kept count of the number of pokes being given to me...more friends added into it and i was being poked from all directions...billy asked at one point, "so, what happens" and I said, "absolutely nothing more than I get an update that says, 'you were poked by....'"..."that's it", he replied, "yep"..."huh"............................................and the day is history and i'm going to bed...happy!  something about people reading my status and taking the time to comment, poke or look that makes me feel connected, cared for and part of the world, in a really unusual and surprisingly simple way...

had a chat with alison a couple of days ago about the 'pokin' thing...she is in brooklyn, ny...we graduated hs together, not friends, just acquaintances...and yet, now, we poke...i mentioned that it was fun to be able to poke her from a couple thousand miles away and her response, "yeah, i was thinking about that too...something in the background of my day, its nice"...and i smiled...a simple 'poke' and we are connected...

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Want to keep today's's a good one...

A man's subconscious self is not the ideal companion. It lurks for the greater part of his life in some dark den of its own, hidden away, and emerges only to taunt and deride and increase the misery of a miserable hour.

P. G. Wodehouse (1881-1975)

a mother's day... goes something like this...i have 4 daughters, all birthed to someone else. Someone else who could not care for them...and fortunately, 3 of the girls came to us quickly after birth, either within days from the hospital or in Sarah's case, at 4 weeks.  Only Symone came later, she had just turned 2 years old.  Symone, and the others, have always know that she is different in the family.  She is the only African - American here, so obviously, she is from somewhere else.  What has yet not been regularly spoken about is that the others also came from different families/birth mothers.  So, a couple of months ago, Stephanie, the next in the chronological order of things, age 4, started to ask.  She has been asking for about a year, "did I come from your belly", etc, and I've been able to avoid the actual conversation...not anymore, she is onto me.  So, now the conversation goes something like this, random moments in time, usually while driving, "Mom, what's the ladies name who's belly I came from" and I give a simple answer and we move on.  Learned a long time ago, only answer the question that is asked of you, do not give extra information, gets you into trouble every time...especially with kids.

So, today...long day, full of things that did not work out...missed appointments, miscommunications, the end of all of it...having a moment with Stephanie watching a movie.  She senses that I am not 'ok' and wants to make it better, as she is uncomfortable with me not being 'ok'.  So, she says to me, "Momma, I love you" and I say, "Honey, I love you too. You are my Baby" to which she responds, "No, I not!  I came out of another Lady!"...

And, while my head knows that this is an ok thing for her to say, that she is trying to understand it, that she will be ok, that we are a family, that I am HER MOTHER, that I am the one she comes to for comfort and love, that I am the one who cares for her every day...THIS is heartbreaking in the moment!  and, when I'm not 'ok' she is distancing herself so she doesn't feel at fault...I know all of this in my head...and yet, my heart hurts in these moments...

Raising girls is hard...raising girls birthed to other women...I'm finding very hard...

posting it...makes it even more real...and yet a way for me to look back and remember...

and learn from myself...

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Round Two...

So, as soon as I hit 'publish post' I remembered/thought of more items for the list:
oil changes...LCPC license renewal...CE credits are short - find conferences and register ASAP!...get to the gym already woman!...

And then there is the other side of this roller coaster that is my life right now...all the good stuff that puts a smile on my face everyday.  Cheri...this is for you!

playing/laughing with 3 giggly, happy girls under 4
watching the girls in full costume, sing and dance like princesses
singing to Momma Mia with Steph...she knows all the words!
cooking anything with Billy...we are a great team and have so much fun
reading the same stories over and over and over again....knowing these will be there memories
vacations that seem like chaos, but again, for the girls...pure joy and memories
listening to the girls talk to each other when they think we can't hear them...sister stuff is so wonderful to watch
watching Symone read!  and seeing her enjoy the adventures and escape of a good story...
knowing that there are 3 'other' children in the world who have been touched by our family...knowing that they have felt our love...
having a "reason" to go to the park!!! and swing!
watching the girls play in the so stinking excited by a school bus!  
quotes such as:  "Momma when will I meet my husband?  What him doing now?" and "Daddy, don't you tell me No!" - Faith while sucking her thumb and holding Baby Eeyore

AND....the list could go on and on and on...

I'm so blessed to be a MOM...

Monday, January 26, 2009

ok so here goes my craziness and emotional state

i give up trying to edit and 'think' before i post........................doesn't work for me.  I'll never post that way!  so, today.....on google talk, which seems to be the best way for my baby, aka husband Billy and I to communicate, our conversation went something like this (I verbally threw up on him so to speak):  him:  "i'm tired and beat down" oh, ok well let me run down the list of nonsense that i deal with daily/weekly/monthly...and this is a starter list...for the next 3 months!

meds for all girls...clonidine, ritalin, concerta, zoloft - times 3 girls
and have to request 'new' scripts for concerta and ritalin each month - controlled substance and all
occupational therapy appointments x3 girls - parking garage, long walk, 2, 3, and 4 year old, fun stuff
psychotherapy appointment x1 - with 2 year old in tow
psychiatrist appointment x3 once a month
teacher chats/calls/issues x3
daycare issues - dcfs paperwork/reimbursement, diapers/wipes
dental appointments x3 (every 6 months but it is in the list of scheduling)
new school transition meetings x1
prek screenings for 2
IEP meeting for 1
kindergarten registration/k - night fun x1
haircuts x2 with 2 year old in tow
hair relaxer x1
plan for vacation - cancel condo g'parents suddenly decide not to go!  
board dogs x3 trips till july
pay all bills
balance bank/checking accounting
get oil changed/check breaks which are locking - not done as of this post HA!
housekeeping/laundry/grocery shopping
organizing/maintaining household
school stuff - snack week x3...classroom food 'prep' x2
dogs - vet appointments
i'm sure i have forgotten tons on the list!!!!

oh...i forgot to mention...acupunture weekly so we can try one last time to have a biological to carry a child...

oh and don't forget, i work outside the house for 3 days each week!!!  and not an easy, no stress, unemotional with early childhood families and special education...

be sure i'll add to the list when i remember/notice tomorrow!  

Billy's response:  "oh...I'll do more"


I feel better just writing it out...

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Well...that was easy...

So, we'll see how tomorrow goes.  I've a lot to learn about this web time but a lot to learn so...

Trying this out... goes!  I'm more of a one-liner kinda know with the whole Facebook opener of "Jennifer is...".  So, this will be different and a bit weird at first, but I'm going to give it a good ole' fashion try...for a month!